Even the graphics kinda remind me of it. The Nerd: Now, instead of this stripping chick, you get this annoying bitch who does nothing but nag you. I couldn't even come up with anything half as crazy if I tried. Montage of scenes of NC running, switching between his route across states being plotted; AVGN angrily stands up and goes to wait at the door The next part is basically a trailer, with a background of fire, and words being displayed Text: On October 10th, The Angry Video Game Nerd vs. Why didn't it bounce me? The Nerd: That voice is just crazy. If you jump through them, you fall in the water and die. What's this guy's problem? The Nerd: Oh, fuckin' Hell. It might as well be anything. The Nerd: Alright, 3 games in 1. There's someone downstairs who worships me. Basically, you're some kid on a skateboard trying to rescue some girl. (normal voice) The only other thing I've noticed that's been changed are some of the enemies. I was trying to get the wrong snakes, but how could you blame me? Essentially, they're recycling some of their old Color Dreams games and adding Christian themes. Established in 2011 the website is focused on providing full guides and walkthroughs for best-selling video games. Holy shit, I might actually make it...! (He kills a guy) Oh, God, that's so violent. Just look at it, all the different food-themed lands like Potato Land, Barbeque Land, Pizza Land, and Dessert Land. It's time to wrap things up. The Nerd: All right. I can't even see what you're supposed to be shooting at them anyway. The problem is that initially, Matei was camera shy. The Nerd: So you lay down all these “exploding pancakes” which blow up everything. Son of Smogo 10. VGFaq – Video Games Frequently Asked Questions – was born out of passion for video games. Noah, man. in this case a review of Barbie for the NES. The Nerd's appearance in Episode 25 of Board James, taking continuous potshots at board games based on video games. I'm telling you, that squirrel does some weird shit. They're the first snakes you see in the game. As people have said, James is more of a movie guy. It doesn't even slow him down. They were on drugs when they made this game. It would help if I had the questions. Only cause it's the only first person shooter where you get to play as Noah. Afterwards, he takes the game out of the Toploader. So, what do you do? Now you're gonna get it. Well, it was only released in Europe, which means it's in the PAL format and it can't be played on any North American NES, unless you have the Toploader. Other times, the second log shows up, but once you're on it, and expecting the third one, it doesn't come. (turning to the camera) Haven't we played this already? The only way to have any fun at all is to throw baby Moses in the water, and then go explore the level without him. Yeah, right in the fuckin' nuts. I like the sheep sound effects. ), The Nerd: Okay, who would've thought this would actually be decent?! ". Many times, I accidentally pick false when I mean to pick true. Now, does it look like Wolfenstein 3D? Zelda. The Nerd: So, every once in a while, you pick up these scrolls that make you answer questions about the Bible, like "Who is Jesus’ mother?" Female Narrator: In the time of Moses, a sacrifice might be an animal like an ox. In each episode, the Nerd reviews a terrible video game and rants about it using profane language.Mike Matei helps Rolfe by playing guest characters in certain episodes (Bugs Bunny, The Joker, etc. In fact, it doesn't even look like a game at all. With its weird baby-blue cartridge? She says: (girl voice) "I've been here so long my clothes are starting to rot." It doesn't help either that there's all these rocks coming down. What are you supposed to be doing anyway? Anubis: (in a labored, monotone voice) I'm an idol worshipped by many. The originality just stuns me. Oh, what the fuck? Some bounce you up, and some bounce you down. Why didn't they do that instead? And he fell at the same time as the squirrel. When you don't want the springs to bounce you around, they do. You get a checklist of all the animals you need, so it's pretty simple. While we continue to follow our initial goal, we also try to bring the latest news on gadgets, mobile games, movies and TV shows. I hate those fuckin' springs! Articles by killing random slogans at marty is attacked by a plot. The Nerd: It doesn't make much sense because you never see the entire board, so you don't know where Goliath is. It's really one of those games where you need a Turbo controller. Also, The Reveal that Board James and the Nerd are one and the same . Now, I know I'm sucking pretty bad at this, but unless you've played this, you have no idea how friggin' awful the controls are. I guess true. Well, if you can't already tell what this game looks like, let me spell it out. The Nerd: Anyway, let's go get some sheep. Snix 13. And then what? (downs a shot) I've been cursed to play your bullshit until the end of time, but thankfully, the end of time is about to come: the year 2020 is upon us! So, who knocked them both out? The most obscured game of the bunch would have to be Super Noah's Ark 3D. The only real difference is the main games. Featuring: Bible Adventures (NES, Wisdom Tree, 1991) Bible Buffet (NES, Wisdom Tree, 1993) Super Noah's Ark 3D (SNES, Wisdom Tree, 1994) Spiritual Warfare (NES, Wisdom Tree, 1992) King of Kings (NES, Wisdom Tree, 1991) Originally aired: 22nd of December, 2006 - ScrewAttack.com. The Nerd: Now that I've wasted my time with all that, let's play Sunday Funday. AVGN: Get your ass over here-NC: FINE! Ninjas are now kids, and these Elvis-looking guys are now plumbers. Let's get it over with. I can't catch them, either. And if it's a Bible game, why do you blow a snowman's head off? The last few minutes are a mini-episode about the game, obviously what we'd seen him working on throughout the video. Then, once you get to the top, there you go. Here comes Sunday Funday. They're in the manual. So there's where you drop those fuckers off. The second one, was released on GameTrailers on December 23, 2008 and later released on YouTube on December 19, 2009. He started recording and talking about the game. The Nerd: Then there's the coloring book, and this is where things become really ass! When the special first released on ScrewAttack's website, The video has divided into 2 parts. Bible Games is a holiday special based on the internet series The Angry Video Game Nerd. I'm only taking you into the ark. What a sight. Smogo versus Trico 9. What happened? That'll send him back! But there's a bunch of people after you, and if they catch you, you have to answer a Bible riddle. Damn pig! Take that, bitch! The Nerd: Beware of the black spaces. The Angry Video Game Nerd Theme by Dustin Aßmuteit, TRAILER - Spiderman - Angry Video Game Nerd, Transcripts of 2008 Angry Video Game Nerd Episodes, Transcript of AVGN Episode Batman (Part 2), Transcript of 2010 Angry Video Game Nerd Episode Back to the Future Trilogy, Transcripts of 2008 Angry Video Game Nerd episodes, https://avgn.fandom.com/wiki/Transcript_of_AVGN_Episode_Bible_Games_2?oldid=30398, This is the first AVGN episode to be in widescreen and in HD. Where's the exit? It's the first 5 minutes of a 20+ minute new episode. Noah's so goddamn strong, he puts the Hulk to shame! That's like if you were playing Monopoly and you put your face up to the game. And while you're at it, just try to punch that lion in the nuts. Of course, he goes right past it. Now, there are a few minor differences, but we'll get to them as we go. This is nice! The question is, would you want to? I'd rather slurp crap oozing out of a warthog's anus hole. (the Nerd puts the game into the Toploader) Wow! Where'd it go? GAH! He would review Castlevania II: Simon's Quest. Giganga 11. The Nerd: The last game's The Story of Samson. (Some song lyrics appear on the screen, lighting up in time to the beat) What? (cue a rather graphic Visual Pun, then a faint Heartbeat Soundtrack lasting through the ending logos) How do you get those damn snakes? Directed by James Rolfe. House of Horror 15. You start out with three hearts for health, you hold two items, you go into a little cave and talk to someone. You just pick them up? Is that how Noah did it? Man! It's played by God-awful control, a pathetic attack range, and the most annoying level design I've ever seen. The Nerd: Okay, another rip-off of Super Mario Bros. 2, where you're jumping on logs to get across the waterfall. Now, this is really annoying because while carrying him, there's no way to defend yourself from everything that's out to kill you, and I do mean everything. Oh! Just like in Bible Adventures, the control is really awkward. What a shameless rip-off! Who are these raging atheists that don't want you to go to church? The Nerd: Your attack is so pathetic. What the fuck?! Yeah, you know what I'm talkin' about. The Nerd: But tell me, why is "Moses and Me" graffitied on a wall? There's also these squares that make you fall through the pipes. Awww, God! You'd rather listen to your only infant child puking to death, that is choking on his own puke chunks. Oh, he's making a list, and checking it twice, He's gonna go home and eat chicken and rice. And the soundtrack... is Genesis. Happy Holidays. Now, a lot of these questions are true or false, and once you get used to that, you tend not to look at the words true and false because you instinctively assume true always comes above false. A horse, a cow, and two oxen?! The Nerd: As you can see, it looks like no other Super Nintendo game you've ever seen. Look, a snowman. The Nerd: Every once in a while, you get a quiz. Kyle Justin: (To the tune of "Santa Claus is Coming to Town") ♪ He's playin' some games, the worst he recalls ♪ ♪ He's gonna find out which ones suck the most balls ♪ ♪ The Angry Video Game Nerd is here. The Nerd: Alright, Jesus and the Temple, last fuckin' game. And besides the usual rocks and bushes and trees or whatever, they randomly have all these garbage cans placed about. Obviously, I'm going all the way in the middle. And what's with this theme of carrying things? Wikipedia. I kinda like it, but I gotta turn it off before I go insane. The Angry Video Game Nerd: You are cruel and miserable games. Oh no, now I gotta go all the way back. Angry Video Game Nerd Wiki is a FANDOM Movies Community. (points at the Official Nintendo Seal of Quality on the game cartridge) It was actually licensed by Nintendo. Grabbing them's out of the question, so let's pick up that... thing and try and knock them out. That's real nice! Not with this game. The Angry Video Game Nerd is here! Power on, please wait 7 seconds between power on and power off"? "To start the game, please wait up to 9 flashes on TV screen. ; The ending to "Bible Games 3": "...although, I will give my heart to Jesus." You just bring them to the door, and let those bastards run in there. For some reason, I just can't stop saying “baby Moses”. So, rather than returning you to the game where you left off, it puts you back at the beginning of the stage, which is fuckin' bullshit! (Makes a silly facial expression.). The Nerd: For example, here we have Menace Beach (the Nerd holds up "Menace Beach" for the NES), which was turned into Sunday Funday. So that's it. Oh, man, I'm doing good. Too bad I can't jump high enough. What the shit?! I got somethin' to blow the lid off the crap barrel. Call it whatever you want. The Nerd: Well, here's a little history lesson. There's gonna be a flood. Bible Games - Angry Video Game Nerd - Episode 17. It flat out explains what you're supposed to do. Trending pages Transcript of 2020 AVGN Episode The Simpsons: Bartman Meets Radioactive Man But, I also suppose it's rare for Nintendo to have a Bible game with no references to the Bible, resembling Atari that's all about food trying to kill you. He just might even hate them all, 'Cause he's mad for fuckin' sake! For Episode 106, the Nerd goes back to games based on the bible. But no. Season 1, Episode 17 - Bible Games. Ooh, got lucky there... (the Nerd gets sprung into a bottomless pit) I hate those fuckin' things, they're the worst! YEAH!! In fact, it's a rip-off of Candy Land. The Green Monster That Walked Into My House 14. Just look at the title screens. Like, how can they even reach? Lightning flashes. (he manages to get the enemy close to the bomb) OK, there, perfect. Fuck this game. All the levels are exact duplicates, but what's really funny to know is that there's a story going around that ID, the company that made Wolfenstein and Doom, gave their own game to Wisdom Tree for them to turn it into this. It's so rare to hear such a clear voice in a Nintendo game. First, you have this animated story about Moses. What, do you want to die? It definitely has to do with food. And finally, when I get up here, it's not even worth it because there's nowhere to go. I finish all the crap I gotta do. The sound effects are classic. Climb through the cave until you find the real ones. Take your favorite fandoms with you and never miss a beat. So, these are the real snakes you're supposed to get. It just looks invisible. I can even pick the lion up and it doesn't care. So for every question you answered correctly, you get, what else? (the Nerd holds up the game cartridge for the NES) It might interest you to know that this is actually the last game ever made for the NES, and it was as late as 1995. It's the same exact game. I wouldn't want to get hit by one of those acorns. It's extremely rare, but all it is is literally the whole Bible on a Game Boy cartridge. Now that's gotta be tricky, right? Not that easy. It's basically an educational tool with some games thrown in. Transcript of AVGN Episode Bible Games 2 Title card for episode. He hates the games that stink; He knows which games to break. (the Nerd puts the games down) If I was God, I'd be pissed. Let's check it out. Just spinning around? These games suck ass! The Nerd: So, basically, you're a harpist on your way to play the harp at Samson's wedding. Next up, let's try... Noah's Ark? The Nerd: Well, there's Noah. (Starts the game up) Okay. It's the same thing as Exodus. Well, check this out. It's one of the hardest I've ever played. How can such an old man be so strong? (nagging lady voice) "Get your ass to Sunday School!" And when you start the game, you get to type in a name. You go down ladders with gray stone walls. And there's lots of things you can't even touch at all, where you die instantly. Whatever happened to “Thou Shall Not Kill”? But overall, I would at least go as far to call it a game. It's karaoke? "Oh, well I flew on a balloon that I got from some clown, and then I went through the sewers and beat up a bunch of plumbers, I hopped on some frog and bounced around on a bunch of springs and shit, then I threw a bomb and blew some guy's fuckin' face off." However, if you go past him without the sheep, he doesn't give a shit. Well, that would be Mary. The Nerd: What is it, a robot? Did you see that? Here's a SNEAK PEAK of AVGN's "Mortal Kombat Rip-Offs"!! Yeah. First, there's Pyramid Pursuit. Oh my Lord. (Game footage of Wolfenstein 3D is shown) Yes. So was the Riddler in the Bible? The Nerd: Oh, this is so monotonous. True or false? Sure, try that in real life. For help, reach us over the phone and via email for the time being. You can even use an acorn to knock the lion out. And each time, her clothes gradually disappear. Now I gotcha. It's kinda like Mario Paint but really hard to control. Also, what's going on with the colors in the sky? Go find some more, bring them back. The game is basically a clone of Wolfenstein 3D which is a … Potato chips and pizzas and... pork chops and bottles, watermelons, ice cream cones, ice cubes, and cans of like, soda coming out of a vending machine? I've had enough with this shit. (normal voice) Seriously, that's the only explanation. My only guess was it has to do with food and the Bible. But there's something very different about this one. For his first Christmas review, the Nerd decides to review a few unlicensed Bible games for the NES and Super Nintendo. You're gonna get it. For me, Top Gun, Bible Games and his Halloween trilogy are the best from Season 1 of AVGN. The Nerd: The most fun I have in this game is watching that weird squirrel. To hold us over for now, we've got The Making Of An Angry Video Game Nerd Episode. You exist for one purpose: to reap everything I've sown. Have you ever tried to lift a horse? The Nerd: So then I get back out. Now, let's back up a bit. I got half of that right. I've got to do it! Basically, you have to collect a certain amount of items in order for an exit to appear. At 12 hours ago, Jay wrote: Wow, I didn't even know there was an AVGN fan club here in on BBS! They all look the same. But no. Would you want to buy this? There's that square-shaped stairwell, and there's a raft. The Nerd: Another thing that's really amazing about Noah is that he can run so fast, he can actually outrun the screen, which is really annoying because you can't see where you're going, so you have to stop to let the screen catch up. (Music from the game plays) Wow, that's great. In two out-of-character videos, Rolfe listed the "kill all babies" text in Exodus as #18 on his list of the top 20 weirdest moments in a video game, and Sunday Funday as the #10 worst game on the NES. But, it seems to be a fact because I'm playing it. Either that or it shoots baby Moses up in the sky. (the voice says "yippee" and "whoops" a couple of times, then the Nerd gets annoyed at the voice). Damn! Of course he's not gonna come near it! Giganga 2 12. As part of The 8th Annual NES Marathon Benefiting Hurricane Relief , … Doesn't this look familiar? Well, you're going around, carrying sheep. Well, here's some hints. What is this I'm looking at? Well, anyway, that's about all there is to say about that. Look at it, an old man climbing a tree chasing monkeys. The film is being produced outside the studio system, entirely funded by fan donations. (the Nerd gives the Toploader a thumbs-up). Yes, we can still serve you! The Nerd: This is Super Noah's Ark 3D. T-this game sucks ass. The Nerd: (sarcastically) Oh, look at this! Well, according to this game, he put a whole bunch of goats on there. Anyway, Color Dreams, for whatever reason, decide they wanted to start doing Bible games now under the name Wisdom Tree. And why do they turn from white to black? He knew that no matter what, God would take care of him. The Nerd: Ugh, I just pushed that thing into the exit. The Nerd: Listen to how cheerful the music is. Download Avgn Desert Bus Transcript pdf. Let alone a horse and an ox? What's that? Watch this. And take this one, for example: Bible Adventures. Bible Games - Angry Video Game Nerd - Episode 17, Kyle Justin: (To the tune of "Santa Claus is Coming to Town"), ♪ He's playin' some games, the worst he recalls ♪, ♪ He's gonna find out which ones suck the most balls ♪, ♪ Oh, he's makin' a list, and checkin' it twice ♪, ♪ He's gonna go home and eat chicken and rice ♪. First let's do Noah's Ark. It's like: "Hey, we got this horrible shitty game, but there's a girl taking her clothes off. The Nerd: So, as we've seen, every one of these Bible games rips off something. The Nerd: You play as Moses. (cuts across to the other side of the screen). The Nerd: Is that really necessary? If you miss the dot, you get this irritating voice. This is ridiculous! They just do like these weird kicks from a mile away and they hit you. 0:44. The Nerd: But what's even stranger: this game ("Joshua") was a copy of a game ("Exodus"), which is a copy of another game, Crystal Mines. This is a weird game. Damn! Please, somebody tell me. The Angry Video Game Nerd is here! The Nerd: In the beginning, a game company called Wisdom Tree began producing unlicensed games for the NES. So, just to show you another example, let's take a look at Spiritual Warfare on the Nintendo. Yeah. But trying to avoid those down springs is almost impossible! Just watch. The Nerd: Then you have The Bible, which is just scripture from the Bible. What assholes. Just keep them the same! 7:00. Well, let's find out. BAM! It's playable. Not that anything is in place, but I don't know. The Nerd: What other first-person shooter game do you get to play as Noah? Baby Moses, baby Moses. It's just a bunch of karaoke songs. It clobbers the lion. So Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Happy Kwanzaa, Happy Birthday Jesus, whatever. So, it's time to commit suicide. That's made by a Christian gaming company that makes unauthorized Nintendo games? It looks more like a Game Genie. Fuck this fuckin' piece of shit! He moves pretty fast for an old guy. "Kill all babies"! The Nerd: They all have the same puzzle game, sing-along, all that. Frankenstein’s Monster 17. Take your favorite fandoms with you and never miss a beat. The Nerd: That's it. Fun, huh? Go this way, go that way. The Nerd: Another real piss-off is that it keeps goin' dark. ("Sunday Funday", "Fishfall", "4Him") Oh, boy. (the Nerd puts the game into the Toploader) Oh, no, no, no, there's three games! Oh, this game is so annoying. The video was first released on December 25th, 2006 as the first Christmas special. (the Nerd puts the game into the Toploader), The Nerd: So this is Menace Beach. Leprosy? What does catching parachuting fish and throwing them up at an electric eel -- up at an electric eel -- have to do with the Bible? Like: "Oh, what do you do on a Sunday morning before church?" I mean, this is just fucking weird. DinoMen From D-4 16. I guess false. Then, just to tease you, it pops up at the bottom, crawling up the waterfall just to sit there and mock you. The object's to get the animals in the ark. UGH! I mean, what's up with that shit? Yep, that's it. 5. Just what you need, some really upbeat music to go along with Noah getting murdered by a bunch of fucking goats. 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